Real Cool Traders
First Appeared at The Music Box, March 2000, Volume 7, #3
Written by Michael Karpinski
The last thing this over-packed, white noise-and-static-plagued planet needs is one more mediocre rock act with nothing new to say and no new ways to say it, yet that's just what we get with the Orlando band Real Cool Traders.
Stocked with a passel of songs so ho-hum-homogeneous they make Collective Soul sound profound, Tiny Murders commits that most contemptible of Generation Y crimes: it bores us to the bone. Not helping matters is lead singer and lyricist Terry McMahon — an irredeemably bland amalgam of Triumph's Rik Emmett and Journey's Steve Perry. No matter how maddeningly repetitive (6 Degrees of Separation; Down, Down, Down; Yahoo Cowboy) or natteringly nonsensical (Go, The Lonliest Day [sic]) his babblings may be, it is not until the nostalgia-noxious Stumbles & Treeforts that McMahon's puerile musings truly reach their zenith.
For many of us of a certain generation and temperament, the Triumphs and Journeys of the sonic solar system furnish a useful, even invaluable, service. By reminding us of who and what we were in younger, dumber days, we are simultaneously reminded of who and what we have become — allowing us not only to track the gradual transformations of our musical tastes over time, but also to trace the very trajectories of our lives.
With nary a distinguishing characteristic to set them apart from the ravenous pack of young, on-the-come, wannabe rock stars — and utterly lacking the tacky, heart-stringed charm of nostalgia — dime-a-dozen bands like Real Cool Traders all but beg to be pegged the straight-faced pretenders to a whoopie-cushioned throne — the artistic equivalent of a Xeroxed velvet Elvis. ½
Tiny Murders album is available from Barnes & Noble.
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1 Star: Pitiful
2 Stars: Listenable
3 Stars: Respectable
4 Stars: Excellent
5 Stars: Can't Live Without It!!
Copyright © 2000 The Music Box